Bowser's Modern Life: Tales From The Arena
by ThatGuy58
Summary: A Work-Com (kinda) starring the King and Prince of Koopas and the friendly neighborhood bad guys/morally ambiguous gentlemen, as well as those other kids and maybe a dog. Rated for violence, potential themes and general lunacy.
1. Wario in The Sky Part 1

**Welcome everybody to the first chapter of "Tales From the Arena": A counterpart to Bowser's Modern Life for when Bowser's Modern Life starts getting plot heavy! This is for stories in Bowser's Modern Life that are not quite plot important and ambiguously canon and focusing more on the day to day adventures in the Arena (Think of something similar to the relationship between HyperInuyasha's "The Normals" and his "The Attack of/War on Giygas")**

 **Today's first story arc concerns a certain greedy plumber…**

* * *

 _Team Match!_

 _Bowser & Wario VS Shulk & Mario_

 _Boxing Ring_

The crowd went doughnuts as Mario tossed Bowser into ropes along the lines of the ring and, unfortunately for Bowser, he was quickly entangled in the ropes with no way out. The Koopa King wrestled with his prison as his arch nemesis approached him. Desperation clear in his eyes, he turned to his partner…

…Who was tapping away on his new phone.

"Eh, Koopa! The pot got higher! Guess how much gold we'll get if we lose this match!"

Bowser no doubt would have congratulated Wario and perhaps expressed a desire to see some help over here, had Mario's fists and Shulk's Monado not catapulted him off into the unknown. One blast and an announcement later and Wario was all by himself. The greedy treasure hunter looked unconcerned at his fellow fighters.

"Okay Wario," Mario said, not trusting his other rival as far as he could throw him. "Make your move."

Wario realized that he had an opening and gave a hearty laugh that spelled doom for his opponents. Then, he pulled out his bike and promptly drove into the blastline.

*GAME*

" **What?!"** The Bowser Monsters shrieked as Mario and Shulk, dumbfounded, posed for their victory. A moment later and the fighters entered the showroom.

"…And you're sure you're okay?" Mario asked. Wario snorted rudely.

"How many times do I have to tell ya? I'm a-okay! If anything, I'm richer! Thanks again Mario, old pal!" Wario happily shook Mario's hand before waddling off, kicking his heels and dancing a little jig. Mario sat down on one of the couches.

"I'm-a so confused…" He muttered, mystified.

Bowser, on the other hand, was livid. He walked over to the two couches his team was occupying and sat down, arms crossed. For a few minutes, Bowser just fumed there, glaring at nothing in particular.

"I take it, you are not well?" Greninja asked, hoping to make polite conversation. Instead, Bowser belched a large tongue of fire.

" **What do you think?!** " Bowser asked. " **That portly gasbag just cost me my match!** "

Dedede sat down beside Bowser.

"Yes," Dedede said slowly and carefully, "But he also got you money. Don't you like money?"

"Not when it's at the cost of my pride!" Bowser almost threw the gold at a wall, but thought the better of it. Instead he grabbed the nearest thing to him and threw it against a wall.

"That man's gambling addiction has gone too far. We do not throw fights here on the Bowser Monsters. Unless the key to World Domination is on the line. Even then, that's a big 'maybe'."

"Shall we go beat some sense into him?" Ganondorf asked. Bowser shook his head.

"No. We need to make sure this one sticks. We go for the source."

The two kings left the showroom, leaving behind the Pokémon and the crowd of bystanders, gaping at the hole Dedede made.

* * *

 **Wario in The Sky with Coins**

 ** _Sponsered By the newly instated Spagonian gambling laws! You're next Casino Night Zone!_**

* * *

 ** _The Arena_**

 ** _Storage Room_**

The storage room was probably one of the most dangerous rooms in the Arena. Master Hand certainly thought so, as he forbade access into there under almost any circumstance, under penalty of Palutena's cooking. Needless to say, almost every single one of the fighters agreed to never enter, and only a bunch of snot nosed punks who missed the warning would dare enter. And sure enough, a bunch of snot nosed punks including a dog and an Amiibo were entering this forbidden zone.

Alph, the big nosed Hocatatian, walked into the room, followed by the dog and duck that made up Duck Hunt. Diddy Kong entered shortly after. They marveled at the thousands upon thousands of neat, well organized rows of items. Then, they turned their attention to the massive pile of junk nearby. A sign hanging above said pile read: "Lost and Found. Last Visited:…" The rest of the text was flat out illegible.

"My Koppad should be in there." Alph said pointing at the pile. "According to the digital manual, objects that fall past the blastline automatically go to this place." Alph turned around to find Diddy looking at a row of banana peels on the shelf. " _Don't touch anything on the shelves!_ No one even knows we're here!"

"(But Alph, do you see how many banana peels there are here?! I could cover the entire Arena in peels! All of it! I could at least take a couple…)"

"No. We can't let anyone realize we were down here. That's the kind of answer I expected from Bowser Jr."

Diddy and Alph stopped suddenly as they realized that they were missing two members.

"(I'm on it.)" Diddy said. "(Come on dog. Let's find Junior.)"

The dog barked in agreement and started sniffing the air. Nothing. Nothing. Noth-wait! Catching the scent of painting oils and wooden planks, the dog bolted down a seemingly random direction. Diddy Kong followed at a quick rate.

It didn't take long to find Junior. He and his amiibo minion, a Toon Link Amiibo named 'Blink', were wandering around the "Dangerous Explosives" section of the seemingly gargantuan room.

"And this is called a 'Motion Sensor Bomb'. Dad told me all about these." Bowser Jr, sitting in his Junior Clown Car, showed off the item to Blink. "He said that the ones in the second tournament were from something called Gold… uh…" Junior frowned and began heavily thinking. For some reason, although he distinctly remembered his father telling him, the powers of Copyright Law blocked his memory from recalling where exactly they came from. "BronzeMouth? SilverNose?"

"Who cares?! It's a bomb!" The amiibo inherited its owner's hyperactivity as it bounced around impatiently. "Let's use it!"

"Nah." Bowser Jr. said in response. "I know of something even better than most of these bombs."

Blink looked skeptically at his master. Something even better than bombs? That was heresy! But this skepticism faded and was replaced with awe as Junior led him to an aisle filled with bazookas.

"Dad calls these 'Cracker Launchers'. They make colorful explosions!" Junior proudly announced. Blink gaped at that bold statement.

"Colorful explosions.' He could only whisper. "Why aren't we using these all the time?"

"Exactly what I was thinking." Bowser Jr. hopped out of the Clown Car and began jumping to reach the shelf. "Give me a boost up so we can grab these things." Blink allowed Junior on his shoulders as the boys began thinking of the mayhem they could create with the weapons. Then, suddenly-

"(Junior!)"

Blink jumped in surprise, which caused him to lose balance and send both boys tumbling to the ground. A single fire cracker launched through the roof.

 _Meanwhile…_

"Why do I gotta be the one to fix the toilets?" Pittoo muttered. "Seriously, isn't that why the Marios are here?" Either way, Pittoo approached a toilet in the second floor bathroom and began shifting through the toolbox R.O.B. gave him. Suddenly, the toilet exploded into pieces, scattering water and bits of toilet everywhere. Dark Pit stared blankly at the now exposed and gushing pipe before dropping the toolbox and calmly walking off.

"Nope. I'm not doing it."

 _Back in the hold…_

"What the heck Diddy?" Junior shouted as he hopped back to his feet. "I was about to grab that thing!"

Diddy shrugged in response.

"(Alph said not to.)"

"Ooh." Junior and Blink said in that tone that said 'That makes a lot more sense.'

"Well you're just gonna let that goody goody tell you what to do?" Junior argued.

"(I still think that I'd trust him more than I trust you.)" Diddy muttered. Junior stomped his foot in annoyance and pulled out his hammer. However, Blink suddenly ran up holding a strange device.

"Well, can we at least take this thing with us?" Blink asked.

Diddy and Junior looked at the thing Blink was holding. It looked vaguely like a vase and had handles for someone to try holding it. The dog sniffed at the thing, grabbed it and held it like a Super-Scope. A second later and Diddy, Blink and Bowser Jr. were instantly blown to the back wall by a sudden gust of wind.

" **That thing is awesome!** " Bowser Jr. shouted as he peeled himself from the wall. "Who cares about the firecrackers, let's get that thing!"

"(Imagine all the tricks we could pull off with that thing! We could put it in front of the bathroom door!)"

Diddy and Junior giggled ominously as they imagined the havoc they could wreak with the vase. Unfortunately, Blink brought up a very good point.

"But what about Big Nose? Won't he say something?"

And just like that, the two rivals scowled in disappointment as they realized that Big Nose would most certainly make them get rid of their awesome new toy. Diddy suddenly got a wily idea!

"(Hey Junior! Why don't you put the thing in your clown-bowl-thing?)"

Okay, maybe it wasn't quite so wily. Kinda obvious actually.

"I thought you didn't trust me more than Alph? Junior muttered.

"(Yeah, but at least you know what a good prank needs to work. At least, that's what you keep telling everyone. Besides, at lest this is (comparatively) harmless.)" Diddy said.

Bowser Jr. pretended to think over the proposition even though he had fully intended to take vase, regardless of whether Diddy had decided to ask him or not. At last, Junior giggled mischievously and grabbed the vase.

"Then I guess it's settled. We're taking this bad boy!"

Up to this moment, the Duck had been quiet about this whole business and watched idly, hoping that someone would be the voice of reason. Unfortunately, it seems that the duck itself will have to save the day. And so it made a valiant speech about the morality of this event. It spoke of the betrayal of trust being place on them as well as suggested a different possible course of action that could provide some decent alternative to their actions. Alas, the duck was just that: A duck. And thus, it merely quacked. Its partner was of no help either. The dog fully understood what the duck was saying, but lied and simply motioned the boys to go ahead.

"Hello!" Alph's voice called out. "Did you find Bowser Jr. yet?

"(We did!)" Diddy yelled back. "(Did you find your Koppad?)"

"Yes. It was surprisingly easy to find. Right on top of the pile actually. Come on. Let's get out of here."

The boys and the dog grinned mischievously at each other.

* * *

"So it will be done?" Ganondorf asked. The mysterious spokesperson looked calm and cool.

"Rest assured Mr. Dragmire." The messenger said. "The complaints of you and Mr. Bowser have been taken into consideration and shall be forwarded to the Master Hand."

The kings nodded and stood up from the table which they were sitting at. The lights in the room turned on, revealing they were in the lunch room and their messenger was none other than Nana sitting on Popo's shoulders.

"Thanks kids. I'll get you snow cones, or whatever it is you Eskimo kids like." Bowser promised as Ganondorf simply walked away. He caught up with him while the duo struggled to walk towards the backrooms. "So Dorf, do you think the Hand will get the hint?"

"There are various ways this can go." Ganondorf said simply. "However I am confident the Master Hand will take action to take care of this situation."

"Good! Let's see that money-loving air sack throw matches after tomorrow." Bowser said with glee obvious in his eyes. He turned to the rest of the Arena and bellowed: "Junior! Meet me at the front door!" Bowser then walked off to the entrance to wait for his son. On the way out, he ran into Wario with a giant sack full of gold.

"Hey Bowz! I really cleaned up tonight! Waahahaha!" Wario bragged

"Yeah! And tomorrow, you're gonna clean up your act! Bwahahahaha!"

Wario stared blankly at Bowser. He shrugged off the Koopa King's rather blatant laughter as Bowser being Bowser and instead waddled over to the parking lot where his car was parked. Bowser was so busy glaring at Wario that he didn't notice Junior and Blink arrive.

"Dad, what'cha doing?" Junior asked.

"Just admiring Wario's soon to be crushed joy son. Let's head home."

* * *

 _The Next Day…_

The small animal residents of Smashville dove out of the way of the Bowser Mobile (Bowser's giant purple muscle car) which continued to drive recklessly through the streets.

"…And that's why Daddy avoids that 'feeling it' guy." Bowser paused before taking another bite of his steak. "And remember kids: Anyone who says steaks aren't for breakfast is a liar."

Bowser Jr. nodded at that important information but Blink raised his hand.

"Mr. Bowser- I mean, Master Bowser, is it safe to be driving like that?"

Bowser made a scoffing noise as he turned the wheel with his left foot while his right was firmly planted on the gas.

"Maybe not, but it's cool and that's all that's needed." Bowser said. Bowser kicked the wheel, turning the car into the parking lot. Why Master Hand decided that the arena needed a parking lot when barely any of the contestants drove was beyond him. He began driving down to his parking space approximately eight spaces from the end, only to slow down as he noticed a commotion going on near the betting counter. Bowser grinned as he quickly realized what that meant.

"Son. Why don't you and your little friend go inside? I'll be there in a bit."

Junior and Blink glanced at each other before exiting the vehicle. Junior turned back to his father.

"Um, dad? I might have 'borrowed' something from the item storage…"

"Didya get caught?"

"Nope!"

"Have fun."

The boys grinned and ran inside. Bowser pulled into a nearby parking space (Fox's, to be exact) and began untying the Junior Clown Car from the back of his ride. He took relish in hearing the fighters arguing with Mario.

"I'll get in trouble if I break anymore pots! How else can I get rupees?!" Link asked.

"But I had a side bet with Robin going on!" Shulk said with his alien accent that sounded suspiciously British. "We were gonna see who could win the most smashes for three days!"

The characters nobody ever writes about (such as Olimar, Yoshi, Donkey Kong, Mr. Game & Watch, etc.) were there too, but they're insignificant compared to whatever romance was currently going on so nobody cared what they had to say.

"I'm sorry!" Mario apologized yet again. "But we've received complaints about the use of gambling in the arena."

" **Who said gambling?!"** Suddenly the crowd was flanked by an army of Miis lead by Master Hand's Mii representatives, Sophie the Gunner, Ken the Swordsman and… Mii Brawler. "We can't have that in this tournament! The Spagonia gambling laws have dictated that underage gambling is illegal." Sophie said.

Everyone stared at her.

"We have four children in this tournament."

Donkey Kong and Olimar glared at Sophie. Still, the Gunner Mii got the point across and the adults started groaning as the miis began demolishing the betting corner.

"Darn kids…" Falco muttered. "Why does everything we love have to be ruined by kids or casuals?"

"Come on Falco. It's not that bad." Fox tried to say, but Falco thought otherwise.

"Think Fox: What is the best way to get gold outside of Smashes?"

"…Classic runs-!-Oh…"

The implications of Fox's statement slowly started setting and the fighters quickly began rioting over the soon-to-be-lack of gold in the future. Bowser on the other hand, was smiling as he sauntered into the arena. He walked over to a minisofa where Wario was hysterically sobbing.

"Bowz! Did ya hear?! It's terrible! They've closed down the gambling section of the Arena!"

"Yeah." Bowser happily said. "Such a shame. Who knows what'll happen?"

Wario began shivering violently. If he hadn't been a fat, smelly man with an ugly nose, he might've even looked adorable.

"Come on! I'm sure that the Game Corner can care for ya, ya big baby."

"The closest one doesn't have any slot machines or roulettes! **What else am I supposed to play?! Voltorb Flip?!"** Wario shuddered just thinking about it.

"Maybe you should have thought of that before throwing your matches." Bowser muttered bitterly. "But whatever. Unless you've got some harebrained scheme in the works, then its time to cash in cause the house just won! Or does the house need to take your kneecaps as well?"

Had this been anyone else, they would have sighed, accepted the casino metaphor and moved on. Over time, perhaps things would be different. Maybe they wouldn't rely on gambling as much. Maybe they'd find a new hobby. Maybe they'd, at least, try going to the Game Corner rather than gamble at their workplace. Wario was not anyone. And so he immediately began thinking of a harebrained scheme that he could place into action. And Bowser immediately picked up on it.

"No! NO! Wariodontyoudare-"

"Sorry Bowz! I've got business to take care of. Take care!" Wario pulled his bike out of his mouth, drove to the entrance and then suddenly turned around. "And by that I mean Have a Rotten Day." He turned back around and drove out into the big, scary, world.

* * *

 _The Lunchroom…_

"You guys got rid of betting!?" Dedede asked, offended. Ganondorf nodded bluntly. "But it was so much fun! It was something everyone could bond over! Imagine them: sitting in the showroom, shouting at the fighters to 'do this' or 'tech that', you know?"

"No I don't." Ganondorf answered. "It was a pointless endeavor, especially since it distracted Wario from our goals. We have lost nothing from this."

" ** _What?!"_**

A second later, Bowser walked over to the lunch table Dedede and Ganondorf were sitting at. Bowser seemed even angrier than he did the day before. Puzzled, the other two kings looked at where Bowser came from. In the showroom, Wario had set up a stand where fighters were paying him money to place bets on matches taking place right now and, with the gambling corner out of commission, business was booming.

"Put 500g on Shiek!" Female Robin said, fist full of gold coins. "Trust me: I'm a tactician."

"I'm feeling pretty good about Rosalina's chances." Samus said. "Put me down for 1250g."

"The President told me to bid 3000g on Sonic. Olimar admitted wearily. "I tried telling him that he could probably put it to something more reasonable like a second ship…"

"Thank you so much for your money!" Wario gleefully shouted to the audience.

"You're welcome Wario!" The audience answered back.

"It would seem that I have spoken too soon…" Ganondorf muttered thoughtfully. "This is starting to become a problem."

" **Forget it!"** Bowser grumbled, irked that he was outsmarted yet again. "We gave that fat bull a chance and he blew it!"

"Did we even tell him about this?" Dedede asked.

"So **WE** are gonna keep on, keeping on, until Wario begs us to return!" Bowser shouted. In spite of this, Dedede chuckled to himself.

"Yeah right. With that racket Wario's running, he'll be swimming in money. There's no way he'll come back!"

Bowser roared viciously, but Dedede still laughed. Instead, Bowser tried to change the subject before he threw Dedede at another wall.

"So… We got any matches coming up or what?"

"That reminds me." Ganondorf muttered before pulling out a ticket. "I was supposed to have a Smash with Pit this morning, but he never arrived. I was given a different order to compensate."

"Yeah, nobody's seen Pit all morning. I kinda wonder what happened to him…" Dedede asked for all of two seconds before shrugging and going to get some snacks. Had Bowser and Ganondorf been more involved with the popular characters, then perhaps they would have cared more.

As it turns out, Pit was stuck in the bathroom. Let's go check on him shall we?

* * *

In the first floor bathroom, Pit was in the uncomfortable situation of being trapped, several feet in the air, above the toilet.

"Somebody help! Why, oh why did this have to happen the day the second floor restroom was being renovated?!"

Alph and R.O.B. watched from afar, not really bothering to do anything.

"And he's been like this for hours?" Alph asked.

"AFFIRMATIVE." R.O.B. answered. "THE PERPATRATORS MUST BE FOUND AND BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. SO IS THE WILL OF THE MASTER HAND."

Alph gulped nervously as he had a feeling he knew who exactly was behind this.

"Do you have any leads?"

"NEGATIVE. BUT I MUST FIND THE PERPETRATORS BEFORE THEY STRIKE AGAIN." R.O.B. turned around to find Pit sitting forlornly on the floor. The vase that was previously in the toilet was gone. "OH BOTHER."

"Great! I'll catch up with you later then!" Alph said before running off. Still, R.O.B. activated his minifan to simulate wind blowing on his nonexistent hair.

"THESE PERPETRATORS MUST BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. I WILL HAVE TO CALL IN MY ASSOCIATES."

Suddenly, Stack-up music!

*Click*

"What's the news Buddy?"

"WE ARE LOOKING AT A CODE 'BLACK 2' DOC."

"Just as I feared. Buddy, I'll gather the gang. You keep sleuthing for clues. We'll find these perps yet."

"AFFIRMATIVE DOC. CONTINUING SEARCH."

*Click*

* * *

Bowser dodged a punch from Donkey Kong and turned around to find Bayonetta standing over a downed Marth.

"I can't keep pulling your rear out of the fire Bowz. What happened to all that 'lower mid tier hype'?"

Bowser gave a mere growl before walking over to Marth, leaving Bayonetta to handle DK. Bowser loomed over Marth with a claw ready.

"Alright Marth, your name has M-A-R in it, so I'm afraid I'm gonna have to crush ya. Any last words?"

"Bowser… Please…" Marth turned on his disgustingly cute puppy dog eyes. "My country… it needs money. The economy is still in poor shape."

Bowser's look remained stoic, but he waited.

"You see… I made a bet with Wario. If I win this match-"

At the name "Wario", Bowser's blood boiled. Showing no mercy, Bowser dropkicked Marth into the Skyloft, er, sky. In spite of this, Bowser was annoyed even after the Smash ended in his team's favor. Not helping at all was the angry mob he walked past on his way out.

"Bowser! You cost me so much money!"

"That Landmaster won't pay off itself you know!"

"Wow Bowser! You made me 256% richer! You've made my day!"

Bowser growled and instead headed for the lounge where he sat on one of the couches.

"Somebody's not happy." Bayonetta joined Bowser on the sofa. "What's wrong big guy? I know you've got a short fuse, but that seems a little too much don'tcha think?"

"What's it to ya?"

"I believe that a certain clause in the contract _clearly_ states that I must know what you're up to whenever necessary."

Bowser thought about it. He didn't remember that part of the contract.

"It's that darn Wario and his stupid habit of throwing matches for the sake of money! I tried to get him shut down, but then he pulled that stand stunt and now it's wrecking Smash, since people are gonna be throwing matches all the time now!"

"You were the one that did that? I was wondering why you weren't tearing people apart…" Bayonetta relaxed on the couch. "But why not tell him to stop being a baby and to go to the Game Corner?"

"Don't you think I haven't tried?!" Bowser snorted. "But don't think I'm giving up just yet! I'm not letting this go!"

Bowser began to walk away, only for Bayonetta to point a gun to his head.

"Easy there big guy. We've still got three more matches today? Forgot the contract already?"

Bowser groaned. He _really_ needed to take another look at that contract.

* * *

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Next time:**

 **Wario in The Sky with Coins: Part 2: The Bowser Monsters go to great lengths to stop Wario's business, but how far exactly will they go and what will they do to stop it? Meanwhile, The Junior Fangs find themselves at the mercy of the Doc Squad!**

 **Next month (maybe) Bowser's Modern Life: Operation Smash Attack: Part II: Memories of Fate**


	2. Wario in The Sky Part 2

**Wario in the Sky with Coins!**

 **Part 2: Easy come, Easy Blow**

* * *

 _Stadium_

 _The Arena_

"Work that bag. Feel the burn."

Ms Fit pushed Mewtwo further and further although the Pokémon probably would have reached that level anyway. He was slashing the bag with psychic energies, focusing his raw strength. Mewtwo was so focused that he initially didn't notice that the three kings had entered the Stadium.

"It is I, Bowser, Taxman of Terror! Leave now before I am forced to hand out unreasonable fines!"

This threat succeeded in clearing out the Stadium, leaving only Mewtwo and the staff. The kings approached the bag.

"Mewtwo! Quit beating up Mr. Sandbag! We came to talk to him!" Dedede commanded.

"We both know he doesn't care." Mewtwo said in response and that was true. Sandbag could care less about the conversation they were having and much preferred Mewtwo's company. At least, that's what its mute blinks said. With Sandbag busy, Dedede turned to his companions and shrugged.

"What now?"

"We try Mr. Bomb." Bowser replied.

The villains turned to the third member of the Stadium Squad: Mr. Bomb; a small cartoon bomb with a fuse. It didn't even look sentient.

"Mr. Bomb, we need to have a serious talk." Bowser said plainly.

Mr. Bomb did not reply.

"Lately, we feel that there is an undercurrent of corruption in the Arena. It was previously dulled by the betting corner, but now that it's gone, we are painfully aware of what is truly going wrong in the happy-go-lucky world of Nintendo."

Mr. Bomb remained silent.

Bowser was quickly losing his perseverance. "So, we felt that, if there was anyone we could go to for advice, it was you…"

Mr. Bomb displayed a stunning lack of sentience.

"So, er, do yoU MIND HELPING U- **JUST SAY SOMETHING!"**

Bowser kicked Mr. Bomb onto his side. Mr. Bomb immediately lit his fuse and began counting down with huge letters on his side. Thinking quickly, Ganondorf punched Mr. Bomb towards a structure of blocks. Mr. Bomb exploded, causing a chain reaction which ate a large amount of the area.

"Impressive!" The announcer called out.

"Maybe we should find someone who won't test your fragile patience Bowser." Ganondorf stated.

"But who else is there?! Master Hand's little minions won't get it, and none of the other guys are gonna want to get rid of their cash flow! What are we gonna do?!"

"What seems to be the problem gentlemen?"

The kings turned to find themselves face to face with Mr. Fit, the Wii Fit Trainer's not quite as cool counterpart.

"It's Wario. He's being a mean jerk face and punishing us for it, so it's not fair." Bowser grumbled. Mr. Fit dropped to the ground and began doing pushing ups.

"Did you try… asking him… about it…?" He asked. Bowser and Dedede looked sheepishly at each other.

"Not really." Dedede admitted.

"That's because talking is for losers and peasants. We kings take what we want, thank you very much!"

"I think you should talk to him about how you feel." Mr. Fit recommended. Bowser started to argue otherwise, but began thinking about what he just said.

"That's not a bad idea..." Bowser muttered to himself.

"You do realize," Mewtwo pointed out to Mr Fit, "That the only way this can end is Bowser's group and Wario getting into a fist fight right?" Alas, by this time, the Bowser Monsters were flying in the Koopa Clown Car to 'persuade' Wario to shut down his business.

"So." Dedede began. "What's our game plan?"

"Find Wario. Beat him up."

"Works for me!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Junior, Diddy, Blink and Duck Hunt were watching someone else get suspended over a toilet. However, by now, the magic had ended and the four were watching with bored expressions.

"Maybe we should move from the bathroom and try something new." Diddy said.

"Okay wiseguy. If you think that we should do something else, then what's your plan?" Junior said in response. Diddy paused in thought for a moment before it came to him.

"The training room."

"Huh?"

"We go to the training room, set it to Battlefield, and blow away anyone who shows up! Nobody'll even be able to begin to realize what happened by then!"

"Oh man, why aren't you like this more often? I'd probably like hanging around you more." Junior said.

The dog began barking and snarling. At first the young fighters thought that it was disagreeing with the idea, but it turns out. It was alerting them to Alph's appearance. Thinking quickly, they hid the vase in the Junior Clown Car and whistled nonchalantly.

"Diddy, Junior tell me now; were you the ones who stole the Gust Bellows from the item storage?"

"The Gust What?"

"(Sorry, we don't know anything!)"

Alph turned to Blink, who shrugged. He then turned to Duck Hunt and the duck started quacking violently.

"Are you sure?" Alph asked skeptically. The three mini fighters looked at each other.

"(Okay, we might have...borrowed it from the item storage. But we were gonna put it back when we were done! Promise!)"

"Maybe." Junior added, sharing a smug look with Blink.

Alph shook his head.

"You need to return it now!" Alph said. "R.O.B. Is looking for you, you know and if he catches you..."

"Feh! Like we're afraid of that tin can!"

Suddenly, the roof broke open as a R.O.B., on the R.O.B. LEGS, broke through the ceiling. Doctor Mario, Doctor Luigi, Nurse Peach and Nurse Jigglypuff leaped off R.O.B. and pulled out laser rifles. "You've messed with the delicate infrastructure of the Arena for the last time you hooligans!" Dr. Mario said. "any last words before we make you squeal like the delinquents you are?"

If there were words the perpetrators said, they were missed as the doctor and his crew were blown out of sight. Blink and Duck Hunt ran after to finish them off while Diddy and Junior left to go bug someone else with their toy.

"You know Junior, I've been thinkin'... What if Alph is right? Do you think we're going too far?"

"We didn't even do anything yet!" Junior argued.

"(Good point. Never-mind.)"

Alph sighed. He could think of only one person who could stop the pranksters now. And that person was...

* * *

Wario chuckled to himself as he walked to the backroom of his stand. Yes, his stand has a backroom now.

"Ah, another day, more money from those suckers. Shadow! Hold my calls for the rest of the day!"

Shadow grumbled through his headset as he picked up and held calls for Wario. With his secretary working, Wario went to put his latest sacks of money with the rest, but was interrupted by Shadow.

"You've got visitors."

"Are they here to give me their money."

"...Maybe."

Wario ran outside. He was disappointed to his former ''colleagues'' there instead of someone more "spending-happy".

"Either make a bet or get out! I'm busy making money here."

"Wario," Dedede said tenderly. "We need to talk."

" _No!_ I know exactly what's gonna happen! You're gonna try and trick me into closing up shop, citing the _stability_ and _natural order_ or some garbage. And then we're gonna fight and in the end everything will resolve itself and it'll be entirely pointless!"

Dedede turned to Bowser and Ganondorf. Bowser shrugged.

"He's got us pegged. No point in beating around the bush. Let's beat em up anyway."

"But didn't he just say-"

"Shut up! It'll make me feel better!"

"Just one moment." Ganondorf said in response. He walked over to Wario and knelt down to him. "Wario. I am to say this only once: Stop this insistent tomfoolery. I'm asking nicely now, but if you don't stop..." Ganondorf trailed off as he realized that Wario was simply picking his nose out of disinterest. "...Bowser?"

"Hey Wario!" Bowser shouted as he wound up his fist. "I want you to meet General Fist! He's a sensitive soul that enjoys long walks on the beach, watering his garden and _giving hugs._ "

Wario ducked under Bowser's fist and responded with body blows of his own. The Koopa King flew across the room into the opposite wall, breaking through it and almost landing on top of Shadow's desk.

"Why am I even here?" Shadow muttered to himself.

"Shut up Pittoo..." Bowser mumbled before passing out.

Wario laughed heartily at Bowser's defeat, but was clobbered by King Dedede's hammer. Dedede was caught unaware of Wario's miniature state.

"What the...?" Dedede watched, baffled, as Wario hopped onto a table, waddled off it and gently glided out the door. He then turned back to normal and closed the door behind him.

"Hehehe! Wario always has a backup plan!"

"Attention everybody." Ganondorf said over the intercom. "I would just like to announce that the changes in betting regulation are a result of Wario's ignorance. Thank you for your time and happy smashing."

Wario gaped wildly, horrified as everyone was suddenly conveniently in the hall, on their way to place bets. They all turned to glare at him.

"Wario? This is all your fault?!" Falco accused. "That's it! On behalf of this soon-to-be angry mob, I say that we get him! All in favor?"

Just about everyone raised their hands. In hindsight it was kind of heartwarming to see the neglected, the anime swordsmen, the girls, the guests and kids all united against the Yellow Menace.

"All opposed?"

Mario, and PAC-Man raised their hands.

"The betting was kinda getting out of hand" Mario said.

"Mario is right." Ryu admitted. "That said, ever since the Wario opened his stand, people have been trying to throw matches to get more gold. Why couldn't you all simply go to the Game Corner?"

"Voltorb Flip" Wario said simply.

Everyone except Robin and Reflet shuddered.

"Alright so majority rules right? Okay, let's get him and force him to play Voltorb Flip!"

Wario gulped. He didn't want to do this, but now he had no choice! Wario reached into his pocket and pulled out a particularly foul-smelling, hideous clove of garlic. Only Mario realized what was happening.

"Oh no! He's going to _waft!_ "

 _ ***KABOOM***_

* * *

"You okay Bowz? Dedede asked as he offered Bowser a hand. Bowser slapped it away and stood up, stretching.

"I'll be okay when I wring Wario's neck! As soon as I find that punching bag, I'm gonna run through all the Bowser mini-games with him!"

"You're welcome by the way..." Dedede muttered. Ganondorf walked out of the backroom and was about to question what they were doing when an explosion shook the room. Screams of agony came from the hall, as the telltale sound of trophification. Wario ran back into the room, panting as he did. Then he turned around and realized where he was.

"Hey guys! I don't suppose you wouldn't mind letting me go, would you?"

Bowser's fist told him that the answer might be no.

Bowser grabbed Wario and threw him to the ground before flattening him. However, Wario was able to escape the king's girth and bit his tail. Bowser ran around the room shrieking, trying to dislodge Wario. Dedede had his hammer ready and slammed down on Wario, knocking him off but squashing Bowser's tail. Even angrier, Bowser blew fire breath across the room. Dedede was set on fire, but Wario managed to jump over it and kick Bowser in the face. Ganondorf finally got fed up with his fellow kings' incompetence, calmly walked over to Wario and grabbed him by the throat.

"Ganon! Wait! Let me go and I'll give you your weight in gold!"

"1: I have no use for gold." Ganondorf explained. "2: I believe you might try to weight me during a low-gravity Smash."

" _Waa! How did he know? Am I getting' sloppy?"_ Wario thought to himself. " _...Nah._ "

Any other thoughts of Wario were interrupted by Bowser and Dedede tackling Ganondorf. Soon all four fighters were in the midst of a dust cloud.

"I had it!"

"Shut up he's mine!"

"I've got it!"

*Smash*

"OW!"

"That was me you idiot!"

"Wahahaha-D'oh-Waa!

Shadow looked at his watch and noticed that his shift was done. He pulled out a Chaos Emerald.

"Chaos Control!"

Shadow placed his letter of resignation left corner of his desk, grabbed his framed picture of his teammates and calmly left for the Milk Bar.

* * *

As all this was going on, Diddy and Junior made it to the teleporters to enact their sinister plot. Fortunately, there was still one person in their way...

"(Alph? I thought we left you behind!)" Diddy said.

Alph glared at his former friends (well, former friend and former acquaintance). He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry guys, but this is the last time I'm going to ask you. Stop now."

"Oh yeah? What could you possibly do?" Bowser Jr scoffed. Alph looked away nervously for a moment before stepping aside and revealing Captain Olimar right behind him. Diddy and Junior shot accusatory glares at Alph.

"(Seriously Alph?)" Diddy said. "(You tattled? I expected that from Bowsy)"

"Yeah, he expected that from me! And stop calling me Bowsy!" Bowser Jr. glared at Olimar. "And what are you going to do old man?"

Olimar slowly walked over to where the two miniature animals were standing. Junior rolled his eyes before pointing the bellows at Olimar and firing. Junior's dismissal turned to confusion, and then outright disbelief, when Olimar brought up his shield and refused to budge. Diddy and Junior stared dumbfounded, more-so when the bellows ran out.

"...This is **LAME!** " Junior threw the Gust Bellows at Olimar who narrowly spot-dodged before pouting in his clown car. "You stinkin' spacemen!" Diddy was disappointed too, but merely shrugged and scratched his head.

"(Well that was fun while it lasted. Guess it's back to banana peels for me. Can't help but feel like we forgot something though.)"

A bark cried out and Blink and Duck Hunt landed at the feet of the smashers. Turning around, they found the doctors staring them down.

"Don't worry, everyone." Olimar reassured. "I have resolved the situation and-"

Olimar was punched by Dr. Luigi while the other doctors charged at the hooligans.

* * *

" **This game's winner is... Bayonetta.**

Bayonetta exit the teleporter chuckling as she did only to frown as she saw everybody panicking, screaming, gasping for fresh air and the Arena generally descending into chaos. Pikachu ran up to Bayonetta and began tugging on her leg.

"Pika Pika Pi!"

Bayonetta sighed as she pulled out her guns.

"D**n. Looks like Bow-Wow's been busy"

"That he has." Mewtwo said, teleporting in. "I'm merely waiting for them to show up."

"Really?" Bayonetta asked, putting away her pistols. Maybe she won't have to beat some sense into him. "And how do you know they will?"

"That's how the majority of Bowser's 'simpler plans' end up. Ah, here they are."

A dust cloud of violence floated into the room. Mewtwo held up his hand, but lowered it.

"Something wrong?" Bayonetta asked.

"That's not Bowser."

Right on cue, a second dust cloud appeared and merged with the first one. Several seconds went past before the fight was broken up by Bowser's fire breath.

"Sorry doc!" Dedede leapt off of Dr. Mario while Ganondorf frowned at the cowering Dr. Luigi. Nurse Peach pulled herself out of Bowser's claws as the koopa king smiled sheepishly. Nurse Jigglypuff had vanished completely. R.O.B., it seems, suffered possibly the worst fate possible.

"I AM EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE." R.O.B. said from under the buttocks of Wario who was biting on Olimar's head (well, dome, but you know).

"What the heck is going on here?!"

Everybody stopped what they were doing at the sound of Ken's voice. Ken, Sophie and the Mii Brawler all walked up and inspected the scene.

"Ah, Master Hand's stooges! Great timing!" Wario jumped off of R.O.B. and pointed towards the Bowser Monsters. "These monsters are attempting to ruin me! You see, as you know, the gambling center was shut down, leaving legions of fighters and fans disappointed. 'Oh woe is us!' they cried. 'Where will we go to spend our money?!' So, with my cunning brilliance, opened a betting stand, saving the arena from total imbalance! I was a hero!

And then Bowser came along, with his mob of anarchy loving jerks. They mercilessly assaulted me and tried to turn the entire Arena against me!" Wario put an arm around the Mii Swordfighter.

"Now, what are you waiting for? Sic em!"

The Miis looked at each other and then the Bowser Monsters. Dedede had a stupid look on his face, Ganondorf looked neutral and Bowser looked nervous.

"Erm..." Sophie paused.

"We weren't here to quell any fights." Ken the Swordfighter admitted. "We were here to announce that, due to backlash against the decision, we would be partnering with the Rocket Game Corner. Where is everybody anyway?"

"Whaa?!" Wario squeaked as he turned around to stare at the Miis.

"That's right Ken." Sophie added. "In fact, the Warp Zone to the Rocket Game Corner has just been completed!"

Sure enough, Kirby, Luigi and Pittoo finished working on the Warp Pipe. The pipe was black and red with the Team Rocket "R" sigil front and center.

"Alright guys, that should do it." Luigi said, wiping his brow. "Thanks for your help. I really appreciated it."

"Kirby glad to be of help!" Kirby responded. Pittoo merely scoffed. This tender moment was cut short, however, by Wario pushing Luigi and Dark Pit out of the way and using Kirby as a springboard to leap into the pipe, all while laughing manically. With the Miis looking around, completely confused as to where all the fighters were, Bayonetta and Mewtwo joined the rest of the Bowser Monsters.

"So," Bayonetta said. "Somehow, someway you managed to cause complete disarray to the Arena. Not bad."

"That's how it usually ends." Ganondorf muttered while shaking his head.

"Yes." Bowser shook his head before raising it high. "And yet, I feel that we still managed to save Super Smash Brothers from corruption and greed, restoring it to its original glory. Considering that, we are done here. Come on guys, let's go figure out how to nab Peach."

Everyone stared at Bowser.

"Did we really do anything?" Dedede asked. "Because somehow I feel that we didn't."

" **Do you** _ **want**_ **to get thrown into another wall?!** "

Close by, Alph helped Diddy and Olimar to their feet.

"Sorry about that Diddy." Alph said. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't get in trouble, you know?"

"(That's okay Alph.)" Diddy took off his hat and scratched his head. "(I'm gonna miss that Gust Bellows, but you were just looking out for me. Isn't that right Duck Hunt?)"

The dog barked to signify its appreciation while the duck stayed silent, probably to signify that all this could have been avoided.

"Well, now that everything's been forgotten in the confusion, I hope you boys have learned something today."

"Yes we have Captain Olimar." The boys said with giant kawaii faces.

 _ **LESSON GET!**_

With that, the remaining fighters left the hall, leaving it empty.

Wait. Empty?

* * *

 **Epilogue**

Pittoo tech-ed the landing just in time, ending up in the indoor section of Palutena's Temple. He was about to go back to Pit, when he noticed Bowser Jr. and Blink squatting nearby.

"What are you brats doing here?" Pittoo asked.

"Big Nose made me loose my Gust Bellows (whichikindaborrowed)" Junior whined.

"We could've used it for something cool." Blink sighed wistfully.

The delinquents were annoyed as Dark Pit merely scoffed.

"I can't believe this, but I'm actually disappointed in you Bowsy. I thought you would have gone for the Daybreak."

"What the heck's a Daybreak?" Junior asked. "And don't call me Bowsy!"

"Is it neat?" Blink added.

Pittoo smirked when he noticed that, by a stroke of luck, the final piece he needed had appeared nearby. He grabbed it and in a blinding, showstopping transformation sequence created a gigantic cannon. And lo and behold, Pit arrived.

"Alright Pittoo, I may have been stuck over a toilet for most of the day, but I will prevail over you in-"

 **BBBBBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTT***

"I'm finished..."

Pit fell off-screen as Pittoo blew the barrel of the Daybreak.

"And that's the Daybreak." Pittoo practically bragged. He heard no response so he looked towards Junior and Blink. The koopa and the amiibo stared, dumbstruck by the spectacle.

"...Prince Junior. Is that... perfection?" Blink gasped.

"No." Junior replied. "There aren't words to describe it."

"They both fainted. Pittoo simply stood there awkwardly, even as the match ended.

 **THIS GAME'S WINNER IS...**

 **DARK PIT!**

 **End.**

* * *

 **Hello everyone, it's been months. Sorry for the unexpected hiatus but I caught a stomach bug back in May and my writing drive dried up shortly after. I'll get back into the swing of things soon... about a week from now since I'll be gone. Until then, enjoy the chapter and at some point, expect more both here and for normal Bowser's Modern Life.**

 **Also I'm on Archive Of Our Own now. Nothing in the way of stories yet but I do want to do what is essentially an "abridged" (No, not that kind, the 'actual' type of abridging) or "adapted" version of Bowser's Modern Life, focusing on Bowser and Son going on a Smash Tour to find an ancient weapon. Of course, things never go smoothly for an evil overlord and his heir...**

 **But, whether I do that, "Smash Attack part 3" or something else entirely, I don't intend to stop writing. Just need to stop being lazy about it.**

 **Either way, see you soon.**


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